I read in the New York Times a few weeks ago that sleep has become the new sex. To paraphrase Alison Pearson, I used to dream of going to bed with other people, now I dream of going to bed alone and sleeping for 12 uninterrupted hours. I have very talented children. They always know exactly when Mommy has just collapsed into a exhausted sleep and choose that moment to be hungry, thirsty, have a nightmare, or just suddenly find their cover is no longer to their liking. My one rule is not let Giulio get into the habit of sleeping with us during the night. This has nothing to do with being for or against the family bed, but when Giulio sleeps with us Lorenzo and I end up hanging on with a death grip to each side of the matress while Giulio sprawls confortably between us. Or he gets in with us and then strokes our eyebrows (yes, and I don't know why he likes eyebrows) until he falls asleep. Ever try to sleep while a three year old grips your forehead? I can't say I recommend it. Some nights the kids are very good, they go to sleep when I put them to sleep and then they stay asleep until morning. But those nights are few a far between. More likely my evenings go something like this:
10:30--Giulio appears at the door of the living room. "Need to go pee" he informs us before ripping off his diaper, throwing it on the floor and running into the bathroom. Giulio is potty trained. Night after night he goes to sleep with a diaper on, wakes up with it still dry. We go on like this, with him complaining about having to wear the diaper until I decide that he doesn't need it anymore and let him sleep in his underwear, and then that's the night he wets the bed. As I have decided that I am too tired at 3 am to be ripping sheets off beds and digging around in a dark bedroom to find clean ones while my husband sleeps the sleep of the dead in the next room, Giulio will just have to put up with the diaper at night for a while longer.
He finishes in the bathroom, and comes back to the living room, looking all cute and adorable as he rubs his eyes. "Want to sit on the couch, Mommy." And I let him. He's wonderful right now, quiet and calm, happy to sit and be cuddled in my lap, and yes, I do feel guilty about all the times during the day I yell, tell him no, lose my patience with him, so I let him stay there, occasionally giving him a kiss on the head or cheek. And that's fine until I realize that it's getting on for after 11 and we have to be thinking about going to bed ourselves soon, and that I want Giulio back in his own bed before I get into mine. Only now Giulio has no intention of going sweetly back to bed. "Mommy, don't wanna go to bed, wanna sleep with mommy and daddy." I carry him back to his room, his protests growing louder until they are full fledged sobs as I put him on his bed. "Sshh!" I hiss. "You'll wake Livia!" I start to leave the room, trying to ignore him when he yells "kiss!" Mommy, kiss!" I go back, the kiss works, he agrees to lie down and close his eyes. I give him a kiss and I am heading for the door when I hear Livia whimper and roll over. I freeze. She sighs, and then it's quiet again. I remain frozen for a moment and the creep slowly back into the hallway. Time for bed. Now.
12:15--I get into bed, where Lorenzo is already asleep, though he was awake and talking to me two minutes ago, and turn off the light. The sheets are just getting nice and warm when I hear it. A sort of whine/cry from the next room. Livia. I wait, trying to use the power of positive thinking. Pleasepleaseplease go back to sleep. Silence. Maybe I heard wrong. No, there it is again. She's awake, and not happy about it either. I go back into their bedroom, the one advantage to living in a small apartment is that their bedroom is the room next door, and take her out of the crib. Giulio is sleeping like the scene from 20 minutes ago never happened. I take Livia back to our room and get back into bed, letting her nurse once I am comfortably on my side. She's hungry poor dear, dinner was a long time ago so I will let her nurse for like 20 minutes, and then I am taking her back to her bed. Yes, that's that plan, that's what I'll do....she'll just be a few minutes...........
1:50--I wake wake to find that arm of my pyjamas soaked with sweat where Livia is sleeping in the crook of my arm. God, what time is it? I couldn't tell you what day it was right now if you asked me. I pull Livia onto my chest, roll onto my other side and get up, and take her back to her bed. I have just put her in the crib and covered her when "Mommy? Want water." A good mother would have water in spill proof cup by the bed ready for emergencies like this, but all we have is an empty plastic cup rolling on the floor from when Giulio had a drink of water two nights ago. I go to the kitchen, fill up the cup, and take it back. He downs it like a college student pounding a beer and immediately sticks that cup back out at me. "More." I go back to the kitchen.
3:30--Another yell from the bedroom. Livia again? Geez, she must be growing or teething or hungry or whatever it is that makes babies wake up in the night. Some old tip from a mommy-baby website comes to mind. Give the baby water and she will lose the habit of waking and asking to nurse. I go to the kitchen to get a baby bottle, except I can't find one. I look in the drying rack above the sink where it should be, only it's not there. Livia's cries grow louder. Where is the damn bottle, the last thing I want is Giulio to wake up again. I finally find the bottle in the half empty dishwasher which contains only dirty dishes. I quickly wash it out, fill it with water, screw the cap back on, and take it to Livia. In the dark it's a bit difficult to see exactly so I just poke around with the bottle until it finds Livia's mouth. Jesus, she was thirsty, listen to her suck it down. She lets go for a moment and I hold the bottle up to the nightlight to see how much she drank. The bottle is empty. That's impossible, there is no way she drank 5 ounces of water is 30 seconds. I suddenly feel a drop of water on my foot, then another one, then a stream. I look at the bottle again and realize the top is on crooked. No, please no. I put my hand on the crib matress and feel it. It's soaked. I have just poured 5 ounces of water all over my daughter and her bed. Livia cooes as I pick her up and take her over to the changing table to remove her wet onesie and baby-gro, hey might as well changer her diaper while I'm at it. When I am finished I take her into our room and leave her with a still sleeping Lorenzo. I go back to the room and take the sheets off the bed, mop the water from the floor, flip the matress and put clean sheets on it. I go back to our room, Livia is lying there cooing, wide awake and waving her arms around. I guess I will just nurse her, that is what started all this. It's 4:10. I lying there dozing, as Livia nurses and finally lies back, content and full, and then I carry her back for the 100th time to her now dry bed. She sleeps. Giulio sleeps. It is now 5:00. I stumble back to our room and get into bed. Lorenzo sighs in his sleep and rolls over.
6:30--" Mommy?" A voice in my ear, a hand on my eyebrow. "Mommy, I'm hungry. Wanna watch Thomas the Tank Engine." I kick Lorenzo under the covers."Giulio's hungry." I mumble. He can handle this one.
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